I Think We Will Rock You Is the Most Brutal Pushup Track

Because I had to make brownies for 300 kids, for Vacation Bible School in church, I was almost late for Body Combat....thankfully, its not as stressful as the good old days when Cerberus guarded the doors to that hallowed hall, and when getting onto the registration list was like getting onto Schindler's List.

Got in just in time for the left side upper body warm up. Standing in the front, in a Dreamgirls like trio, were Lionheart, Yhsmom and Sunshine. Anyway, after track 1 they beckoned me to join them in the spotlight spot, but I have always been averse to unnecessary attention, being exceedingly shy, though no one believes me.

I knew it was going to be a good class. All his props were in place... his inspiration, the Lionheart, his loudspeaker, Certifiable Stevie, guest appearance by Yhsmom, his normal adoring fans...Track 4 was a particularly old track I think, coz it neither had Jingas, nor Jump Kicks. Track 5 was great, lots of speedballs, which I like. Track 6........oh gosh, bring back the Shanghai Phoenix please!!!! That shimmying Jinga that she does so well, FCI tried to get into the groove.... well, good attempt, but a far cry from the Phoenix. Somewhere along the way, of course I heard FCI make a reference to IPOD. I was too far away to decipher what was being said.

Conditioning track, We Will Rock You. I think this is the most brutal pushup tracks that I can think of. Slow pushups, upper halves and in many many reps too. I used to be able to finish one rep (before the first stretch) on my toes, but as age catches up, like the police did with Hindraf, .....it was tough even finishing the first set. For that matter, I don't know whether it was coz he COULDN'T do it, or chose not to do it, but FCI also got up halfway in the 2nd set and started giving that "instructor look about" to see who was doing what. Convenient. But of course, being a young, strapping lad, I have NO doubt that he can easily pull it off. What surprises me is all these chiselled young lads who CAN'T seem to pull it off. I have espoused the theory of Chiselled Taufu many times, so I shan't repeat it. Suffice to say, the youth of today.....hmmm, roll eyes. Oh, when FCI asked if we wanted an easy or hard conditioning, I had to say HARD of course, for Lionheart. It wasn't meant to rhyme, but I think FCI thought I was trying to be smart (and announced it to the class)...HARD and HEART aren't exactly rhyming words.

Monday's pump with YI was sheer torture, mainly because my last pump class was 10 days ago.

Back After Two Weeks

First it was Chicago, then it was Bali. He does get around doesn't he.

But ya, so he was finally back, which makes it a grand total of 3 week since his last class. I have to say, it was good to have him back. Tanned like chinese gold diggers working the goldmines in California, he and ahgirl. Not many familiar faces this time round. Old man with his own moves wasnt there. Standing right in front of me was this tall bloke, who completely blocked my view of FCI. By track 4, I was exhausted, not having done much exercise in the past week. And all the tracks seemed interminably long. Track 4 is that long long jinga track, from the last release, and track 8 is that even longer Back in the UK (I'm wanna check your microphone) track. Certifiable Steve wasn't there to lead the cheering squad, and neither was Lionheart. The class was unusually quiet, although very energy charged.

Conditioning was that dog pee position one. He actually spanked me. I haven't been spanked by a teacher since standard 5, when the Brother Director of St John's Institution spanked me for making noise in the school bus. Discipline those days is a whole different cattle of fish from the far cry that it is now. Such a spank might have been grounds for a sexual harrasment suit, but I can imagine FCI saying, "hah, you wish".

But I enjoyed the class thoroughly, and felt it was a great workout. Bravo indeed, after andrea bocelli's I believe.

Still A Fearsome Squat Instructor, FSI

I had to miss YI's pump class on Monday because..... gosh, I can't for the life of me remember why. Must have been laziness. Or fear of pain. I dunno. But Lionheart said it was a wussy session. (then again, his standard of wussy and mine are different) So on Tuesday, I felt a need, as a guilty person feels the need for confession, to attend a pump class to make up for my iniquity of sloth.

Secretly, I harbored the thought that the Dreamgirls Minus One Pump team on Tuesday at Manulife is probably somewhat easier than PFPI's on Friday and YI's on Monday. Since FCI was away holidaying in Bali, and I had the Beowulf Premiere to attend (in Gold Class, no less...I finally lost my Gold Class Virginity), Pump at 5.40pm was the obvious choice. Actually dear Shades had sms-ed me to utilise my passport since FCI wasn't teaching, and attend his combat in DU. Sigh, it would almost appear that I am avoiding the guy, but it just so happens our stars are not aligned in the cosmos just yet, and there was no way I could have attended his class.

Anyway, one of the Dreamgirls was missing, leaving only the soloist, FSI. I forgot about his previous moniker, ie, Fearsome Squat Instructor. Anything to do with legs, the guy is Hannibal Lechter. Ruthless, cannibalistic and a killer. With a bit of Voodoo thrown in as well. I usually CAN complete the lunge tracks, albeit with difficulty, but after the 5th bottom half, I thought my legs were going to give way. I wasn't the only one. Also, don't you just LURVE it when you see newbies, first timers, carry 5kg weights for biceps....thinking to themselves, "ah, 5kg for biceps should be no prob".....nyeahahahahahah. I just wait for the expression of shocked pain. And the funny thing is, the instructors dont seem to say anything either. I bet there is a secret sadistic streak to them.

Yesterday, I thought I'd go for IFKAS (Instructor Formerly Known as Sidekick....Lion remarked that it sounded like a type of IKEA furniture...I said it sounded like some government department......) class, as I had to rush for dinner at Trader's Hotel. He was very adventurous, trying out some first time tracks that he had just learnt half an hour before. Okay lah, the class was rather forgiving, despite the few hiccups. Which actually, had International Prince of Divas been the one in the situation, he would have seamlessly weaved back into the correct choreo, unnoticed except by the Les Mills High Inquisitors like Lionheart who knows every choreo move, just by listening to the first bar of the song.

POSTSCRIPT:

AND SPECIALLY FOR SHADES, WHOSE CLASS I SACRIFICED FOR THE PREMIERE OF BEOWULF....



For starters, it took me a good 5 minutes to realise the movie was entirely or at least 98% CGI-ed!!!! They characters looked so real ..... and I guess the faces are based on the real faces of Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie and Ray Winstone .....but the bodies were definitely CGI-ed as we were treated to full nude frontals of Angelina Jolie as the She Monster from Hell, and Ray Winstone's full well toned butt as he was strangling the monster Grendel.

Story wise, it follows the ancient legend of Beowulf, and as far as I know, stuck quite closely to the story. I love any movie with dragons, (not the wussy type in Shrek, but real evil fire breathing dragons), and monsters and civilised outposts in barren landscapes, (like the White City of Gondor.....). The theme is that there is retribution, as our descendants pay for the sins of their fathers. Moral of the story is, don't screw with Angelina Jolie. Or rather, don't screw Angelina Jolie..........as tempting as it may be. I'm sure Jennifer Aniston shared that sentiment.

So Shades, yeah, probably quite up your alley. Lots of blood and gore and lovely violence.

Flagellation Redefined

Recently, in the movie DaVinci code, that opus dei assasin would flog himself with a whip in his room, a term called flagellation. When I was younger, another movie, The Name of The Rose (where I encountered my first explicit "sex scene" where Christian Slater was bonking the peasant girl) also featured a scene where a fat monk would flagellate himself. Anyway, attending PFPI's (Probationary Favourite Pump Instructor) friday evening class feels like that. Self inflicted torture. Whip whip whip. I dunno why she referred to me, for the song "It's Raining Men".... Anyway, the male version of Lionheart was there as well. Bearing the same name as the Blessed Virgin, the nun from the sound of Music, and the main star of Westside story, I was watching her weights in utter disbelief. 18½ kg for squats on each side.

How do you solve a problem like *****?

Anyway, I feel like a mouse standing behind her.

On Saturday, after a long absence, I was back at Leon, IPOD's class. They now wrap the mike battery casing in a white plastic bag, which sticks out their bum like a bunny's misplaced tail. For someone who's been absent so long, the class went pretty smoothly without any noticeable hitches. Anyway, half of the class was done by some girl called Abby, .... twas like going for a Whitney Houston concert only to have half the concert sung by [fill in appropriate name]. Sunshine was the only familiar face there. Well, there were familiar faces, but I don't know them.

Last Tuesday, I rushed for FCI's class only to find out that he wasn't teaching coz he went for Chicago. Rumour has it that ahgirl fell asleep during the show. Anyway, the replacement was Lesley, a tou dai of my exFCI.....the last time I saw her on stage she was shadowing him for a practice track for their nike tribe contest. Initially I wasn't going to stay, cos my main purpose was to attend FCI's class (talk about wrong reasons!), but Lionheart cajolled me into staying, and told me that he heard she's very good. Anyway, no complaints, her cue-ing is crisp and clear, and the energy levels were exceedingly high.

Like A Reunion

I was thrilled that on Friday evening, I was fairly free and unencumbered and could make it for Body Pump with that amazing Richelle. As I entered the carpark, I noticed YHSMOM's car in front of me, and I motioned to her to put my name down, as she got a park first.

I saw Lion's car as well, so I KNEW it was going to be a painful class. I was not disappointed. Richelle was in her elements...(I think we also need a new nickname for Richelle. Originally because we were saying she was like a cross between Riyo and Michelle...but now that we hardly see or hear of Michelle, I think she deserves a more flattering nickname).... but drew too much unwanted attention to me.....shudder.... everyone knows what a shy soul I am.

Anyway, it was torture from the word go. The Gwen Stefani Lonely Goatherd track for triceps, the Now We Are Free for .....what was it? Chest? Actually, FCI should be honored to be Maximus, since the Gladiator song is featured in numerous programs, and in different beats too!!!

What's with the lunge track with squats??? I looked in horror as I saw Lion loading his barweights to 13.5kg (or was it 18.5kg?) for lunges....I thought he had gone mad, like some other English King, but well, actually He Who Knows Every Les Mills track by just listening to the opening line, was loading up for the squats. Pain Pain Pain.

After the class, we were milling around the juice bar, and YHSMOM was telling her adoring fan about our blog, and how everyone's featured. So if you're reading this, welcome. (Lion, what name to give ah? Fisherman's Friend?)

Went to Lembah Kiara park for the first time, on the behest of exFCI. What a gem of a place. Two nice tracks for jogging, and a waterfall and stream even for kids to play in. What a discovery. Ran 2km, walked 4km. Not bad for a lazy Sunday evening.

Getting Lazier By The Day

Ya, well, although I have been silent, I have been going to the gym, except for yesterday, Wednesday, when I was overcome by an unspeakable sloth.

Monday evening was pump as usual. Not a trace of Lionheart anywhere, which makes me wonder if he's in town. YI chirpily announced that since Lionheart not around, can do easier tracks. Again, I don't know which track he meant was easy, coz none of them were. I find myself completely exhausted after his class.

But its nice to see that some youth of today aren't as resilient...and virtually collapsed halfway through the lunge tracks, while old men and women still plod on.

Tuesday evening, combat as usual. Great selection of songs. For the record, Carmina Burana isn't the satanic soundtrack from THE OMEN, as I was originally told. Anyway, that was the intro for track 4, the one with the imaginary samurai sword. It's bad enough that we are punching imaginary targets, with the sword, we're another step away from reality. We're using an imaginary sword, to kill an imaginary opponent. Hmmm, might as well just point an imaginary gun. (which would look absurd, so that begs the question, does wielding an imaginary air sword make us look ridiculous to the outside onlookers?)

Track 5 (Dead Ringer for Love) has such a happy feel about it. I cant remember if this is the one with the dramatic guitar strumming ending. I originally didn't like the Back in the UK or back to the UK song, ( I wanna check your microphone), but it kinda grows on you. Was glad he did that for track 8. It does seem inordinately long though.

Very energetic class. Outside, he (FCI) snidely apologised for the class being too noisy. It is a veiled reference to my previous post about "the instructor formerly known as sidekick, or IFKAS (as Shades sugggested), he was implying that I said IFKAS class was good because there was no shouting. For the record, I said the class was good IN SPITE of the fact that it was quiet, not BECAUSE it was quiet. I can't roll my eyes enough.